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Hey Honey,

Lately, it seems like every day I hear more friends are considering moving abroad. Some of them are originally from other countries, or mixed foreigner/American families. Some are parents of transgender kids. Many are just fed up with how things are going in the U.S., or worried about having their rights taken away.

There is so much uncertainty in the air right now. What's going to happen with the economy? Why are so many of our brilliant friends, midway through their careers, suddenly getting laid off (including you)? What countries are easiest to get visas to live in?

We're so lucky that you have dual citizenship, and the ability to move our family to the European Union relatively easily. And I'm so grateful that you're finally getting the kids Italian citizenship. Now, I'm learning Italian so that I can become a citizen too.

But I feel a little less eager to take our family overseas at this moment, partially because we still feel pretty safe and supported in our wonderful small town, and partly because we've lived abroad before. Two years living in Paris together taught me a lot about which problems can be left behind, and which ones are more or less universal.

When we first moved to Paris, I felt pretty idealistic about what life abroad might look like. It was my first time living abroad as a fully-formed adult, and therefore my first time dealing with things like health insurance, immigration lawyers, bank accounts, and renting apartments in a foreign country.

As we left Seattle with our giant suitcases checked at the airport, we made a list of all the things we were pretty excited to leave behind. We weren’t necessarily fleeing the U.S. back in 2011 — things were actually pretty great here — but there were still plenty of things that irked us about American culture:

• Tipping

• Bad transit (in Seattle)

• Fox News

• Big cars

• Price-gouging cell phone plans

• Employer-based health insurance

Then we spent two years in Paris studying, working, making friends, speaking French, drinking wine, and appreciating many things about French culture — while also getting fed up with some other things. By the time we were ready to move to New York two years later, we made another list, this time of things that we actually really missed about the U.S.:

• Mexican food

• Clothing dryers

• Air conditioning

• Stores that open on Sundays

• Smiling

• Hugs

• People sometimes moving out of your way

• Getting errands done (usually) on the first try, instead of having to go back because you needed more forms and documents, the person who does what you need is sick or on holiday, or the place is randomly closed.

What did I take away from this whole experience (and my master’s degree in cultural studies)? That you can leave your problems behind, but you'll be trading them for a new set of problems. No place is perfect.

I'm not trying to talk anyone out of moving abroad; there are many, many good reasons to consider leaving the U.S., especially right now. And different countries, of course, have many incredible experiences to offer. Ever since I started traveling as a young adult, I've thought that everyone should live in another country at some point in their life. You learn so much about yourself, your own country, and the world, all at the same time.

All I would say to anyone considering moving abroad is: temper your expectations. There are jerks everywhere, unfortunately.

We're not making any immediate plans to move abroad just yet. But sometime in the next few years, I'm hoping to try out living abroad with the kids. And I feel safer knowing we could go sooner, if we really needed to.

Con amore,

Nicole

P.S. If anyone reading this would like to chat about how we navigated the process of becoming an Italian citizen through heritage, or moving to France, we'd love to help.